Remember that carefree feeling you had as a child, being able to just enjoy life as it happened, able to hang upside down without a worry in the world. But we grew up and life became more complicated, we took on responsible, we became accountable and then found ourselves feeling unfulfilled, unhappy, frustrated or lost.

So let me ask you are the “shoulds” preventing you from living a fulfilling life? Are they stopping you from having the balance we all need to be happy?

Sometimes life deals us “crap” and that’s just the way it is; there are highs and lows all the way through. Of course most of us try and navigate the best way we can through the “shoulds” of life; should I buy this or save my money? Should I stay or should I go? Should I forgive or should I hold on to my anger? Should I take a chance or should I stay where I’m comfortable?

It is those moments of uncertainty that enable us to recognise  how strong and resilient we really are, particularly when it comes to dealing with the unplanned events like death, disease, redundancies etc. You just have to get on with it and mostly you do. But sometimes you may find ourselves holding on to stuff that no longer works; stuff that doesn’t satisfy you or stifles your growth.

I have a colleague who is infatuated with a guy she used to go out with 2 years ago. He was unfaithful, unreliable and distant. The situation with this man was untenable, unworkable and did not provide her with any of the basic components of a stable, loving and long-lasting relationship, but still she cannot let go of her dream of how it could have been. Although she wants to move on she finds herself stuck in this No Man’s Land. She does not want to rekindle the relationship so why is it so hard for her to leave the past behind and move on?

The number one reason is FEAR! Fear of the unknown, fear of not finding anyone else, fear or making a mistake, fear of making a wrong decision. We can become paralysed by fear.

The outcome of holding on to this fear is always the same: more pain, guilt, anger, frustration, blame, anxiety and sadness, yet we subconsciously choose to hold on to it.

Here are the top 7 clues that indicate the situation has become toxic and it’s time to move on:

  1. When you spend more time in the past than you are in the present
  2. When the situation causes you more pain and hurt than joy
  3. When you expect, hope and plead for the person, place or situation to change but things remain the same. You stay hoping that things will get better
  4. When you feel bored, complacent, resentful or angry much of the time
  5. When your negative patterns of behaviour persist even though you have tried your best to change or fix them
  6. When the situation is stopping or holding you back from growing and being the person you want to be, the person you know you are inside
  7. When your core beliefs and values are changing and you sacrifice who you are, fearing this is the best it will be.

If the answer is yes to  3 or more of these points then maybe it’s time to take a step forward and trust your instincts to let go. Know that help is available and all you have to do is ask. For more information on how to let go of that fear that’s holding you down, contact me at www.mindovermattertherapy.com.au